Due to recent events and just a whole plethora of things thats throwing my life through loopholes, I decided to write a poem, this is a real honest poem, its some of the old me, new me, and soon to become me. I wrote the intro while I was with ghandi yesterday and finished up on the bus today. Like a good 5 hours of my day was dedicated to traveling around jacksonville. I saw lots of great stuff and some bad stuff, but I got a great poem in my opinion. This is a rough draft, even though I'm probably not gonna change anything.
I always enter like a thief in the night
a mouse at the peak of a new day,
scurrying across pinewood floors avoiding the paws of the lonely house cat,
they don't see me coming
just a half built scrawny body daydreaming in the boondocks of the hallway,
I've now found another way for my heart to become incognito,
beneath this shield of covering swagger and my actions resemble one of a womanizer,
I've never been a pimp or a player,
but I've fallen in love with the way I can make girls melt in my arms by my touch
Now every week its a different girl,
every week a new set of lips to kiss,
every week its another heart I can pick pocket,
I tend to like the ones that are a little harder to break,
cause their is much more satisfaction when they do,
like I wonder if this is how Hugh Heifner feels surrounded by big bosomed bunnies burying their dreams inside one man,
Maybe its just the sound,
the way these frozen liquid nitrogen hearts burst against concrete
I came to discretely,
In the shadows,
whispering "its okay baby, love hurts, now come back so I can teach you how to love me",
Some nights I look in the mirror wondering how I can be so cold,
How can I be so indifferent to all these people who put faith in me,
spend hours in the shower trying to was of all the different scents
trying to make sense that its not my fault,
cause I need to sleep at night,
I tell myself after every-time it happens "no more thats the last one',
but I still find myself failing to peel back this oxymoronic persona that keeps the real me inside,
See thats the gentleman,
he was here long before I was a poet,
I was dope
the skinny small kid,
who would have accepted any female in open arms,
treat her like a queen,
I promised these femme fatales my heart, but that wasn't good enough.
No, they wanted the running back, never the water boy.
Now days revenge never tasted so sweet,
feeding off tears and battered souls while remembering that linger taste of rejection,
Their this girl,
I've liked her for some time now,
and she said she saw me preying on my next victim,
trying to find God with my tongue in different mouths,
she sees my heart trying to explode out of my ribcage because it wants to be loved,
she told me to give it too her.
I replied with " I'm in love with the way I can squeeze blood from these organs and make girls weep,"
She said "Please be mine, instead of that fall in love with the way my head rests on your shoulder,
the way you hold me in-between your arms,
I'll grab your hand in front of everyone, unless you want to keep us a secret,
stand here with outstretched limbs until your ready to take a leap of faith,
because broken heartstrings can be repaired,
but the inability to love means you might not know the serenity of kissing sunlight,
with the feeling that your heart won't come back stamped "return to sender",
so swallow your regret,
inhale a fresh start,
and put faith in a simple okay"
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