Swaggin

 So in my Issue based theater class we were talking about things that make us happy. Like exuberant and that "Invitation to the playboy mansion" type of happy. Well I was talking about how dancing, just makes me instantly feel better. I use to be a big hip hop dancer, I also tap dance, took ballet, and ethnic dance classes. As well as on a rainy day. nothing helps like slow dancing with a girl in the mist of the downpour. Well I've sort of strayed away from those things, and came into my own form of dancing. Its called Swaggin, and its a mixture of cooking, the dougie, but just really felling your swaggar and vibe. So these are some of my favorite swaggin and feel good songs.

Hemp Bracelets

So I often find as a male there is lots of taboo's that come with the gender, and to be honest those "gender roles" are stupid. I am a sucker for intimacy, I like to cuddle, to be held, to be caressed, not in a erotic way but in a sensual way. I like a woman's touch, the way my body heats up, I like the girls that give me goose bumps, and make the hairs on my neck erect. Last week my quota of cuddling went up, just the way I'm able to hold violentghandi in my arms and how comfortable it is, I feel . . . Safe. Like I'm not suppose to be anywhere else but right there with her. She doesn't look me in the eyes too often, and I guess thats good because my eyes can deceive, but I don't have bad intentions on why I'm dating her. I said a month ago "All I want is a cute chick, who was smart, creative, has a love for the arts, lived here, I can listen to old school music and OFWGKTA with, and has some sexy feet". Once again the universe grants desires for those who are humble and patient. Peace and blessings.

Benefit of the Doubt

" Let me bash on you so I can tend to wounds, to show how much I care baby girl love hurts" - Sebastian Jones

Due to recent events and just a whole plethora of things thats throwing my life through loopholes, I decided to write a poem, this is a real honest poem, its some of the old me, new me, and soon to become me. I wrote the intro while I was with ghandi yesterday and finished up on the bus today. Like a good 5 hours of my day was dedicated to traveling around jacksonville. I saw lots of great stuff and some bad stuff, but I got a great poem in my opinion. This is a rough draft, even though I'm probably not gonna change anything.

I always enter like a thief in the night

 a mouse at the peak of a new day, 

scurrying across pinewood floors avoiding the paws of the lonely house cat,

they don't see me coming

just a half built scrawny body daydreaming in the boondocks of the hallway,

I've now found another way for my heart to become incognito,

beneath this shield of covering swagger and my actions resemble one of a womanizer,

I've never been a pimp or a player,

but I've fallen in love with the way I can make girls melt in my arms by my touch

Now every week its a different girl,

every week a new set of lips to kiss,

every week its another heart I can pick pocket,

I tend to like the ones that are a little harder to break,

cause their is much more satisfaction when they do,

like I wonder if this is how Hugh Heifner feels surrounded by big bosomed bunnies burying their dreams inside one man,

Maybe its just the sound,

the way these frozen liquid nitrogen hearts burst against concrete

I came to discretely,

In the shadows,

whispering "its okay baby, love hurts, now come back so I can teach you how to love me",

Some nights I look in the mirror wondering how I can be so cold,

How can I be so indifferent to all these people who put faith in me,

spend hours in the shower trying to was of all the different scents

trying to make sense that its not my fault,

cause I need to sleep at night,

I tell myself  after every-time it happens "no more thats the last one', 

but I still find myself failing to peel back this oxymoronic persona that keeps the real me inside,

See thats the gentleman,

he was here long before I was a poet,

I was dope

the skinny small kid,

who would have accepted any female in open arms,

treat her like a queen,

I promised these femme fatales my heart, but that wasn't good enough.

No, they wanted the running back, never the water boy.

Now days revenge never tasted so sweet,

feeding off tears and battered souls while remembering that linger taste of rejection, 

Their this girl,

I've liked her for some time now,

and she said she saw me preying on my next victim,

trying to find God with my tongue in different mouths,

she sees my heart trying to explode out of my ribcage because it wants to be loved,

she told me to give it too her.

I replied with " I'm in love with the way I can squeeze blood from these organs and make girls weep,"

She said "Please be mine, instead of that fall in love with the way my head rests on your shoulder,

the way you hold me in-between your arms,

I'll grab your hand in front of everyone, unless you want to keep us a secret,

stand here with outstretched limbs until your ready to take a leap of faith,

because broken heartstrings can be repaired,

but the inability to love means you might not know the serenity of kissing sunlight,

with the feeling that your heart won't come back stamped "return to sender",

so swallow your regret,

inhale a fresh start,

and put faith in a simple okay"

  

The Morning After

I don't think the skit is irrelevant due to the fact that I didn't get laid yesterday, but it fit.  Yesterday was a interesting day, is hard to explain since so many things happen. I pay really close attention to detail for everything thats happening around me I am always noticing little idiosyncrasies. Despite being surrounded by a few morons I can't complain. I spent part of m day with violentghandi, which was. . . (for some reason, I'm trying to downplay how great it felt, cause I hate feelings) overall calming. I felt a peace and serenity happening, and it never felt so good, because I've been longing it.
                   The funny thing that I found is another reason why you can't judge a book by its cover. I think on the outer appearance when you see her, it feels like she has this wall up, and she doesn't make eye contact with you. I hear others think she's mean, but I just come to find out she says what she feels , which makes her, a very real person. When were with people its like ahfshf0s[hfslf slfsg (<--- don't decipher thats my secret language) whatever, but when were alone I feel and see this person different. When we were alone we had conversations and you could hear the sincerity in her voice, she was genuine and the silence. Don't get me started on the silence, its like we were talking but not saying a word. I felt like god had slithered off a piece of he sun a barged it in my chest, I was radiating positive energy and sunlight.
                I got a lot of questions on asking if thats my girlfriend and I'm real big on the philosophy on "go with the flow", but I never really answered the question just changed the subject. Maybe though.

" I hate that it takes a kick me sign for you to notice me" - Eric Alamanzar


"She is an escaping daydream" - Ephraim Riggins